All work and no play makes Shane a dull boy

I'm so tired today. I took some work to do at home, but I know that in the state that I'm in right now, coding will be an exercise in frustration. So I've been reading some essays about software on the web. It occurred to me that I shouldn't be doing that.

I shouldn't be in front of my computer. Why can't I just tune out, veg out in front of the TV? Why do I get fidgety if I am not doing work? Why can't I relax completely even when I'm with friends for a night out? Why am I not satisfied with my last uni group project, even if we scored 94%? When did I become so obsessed with perfection? Why do I read and reread what I just wrote? Why can't I just bang out something and post it? Why am I more irritable these days? Why do I need my concentration? Why am I holding my breath?

I've been reflecting on the past, thinking useless thoughts. I have changed. Shane, meet the new Shane. Shane, say hi to the old Shane. Which one do I prefer? I've exorcized some of my old demons. I'm keeping them in check. Am I grinding myself to oblivion at the same time? When was the last time I felt truly relaxed? When was the last time I thought of anything else but work? Can I live with the new Shane? Can others? Has my quest for improvement been taken too far?

Things have been adding up. I've been getting good grades, will be graduating soon, got a job, applying for Permanent Residency. All the while losing something that I am not willing to contemplate losing.